A TRUE FRIEND

In addition to the institution of Marriage, God has created humans for true friendship. Within every man and woman is the longing to find a faithful friend; usually of the same sex. We want a friend we can trust; someone we are attracted to intellectually, socially, spiritually, and psychologically; someone who shares our interests and commonalities; someone we can confide in and who will give us good advice when we need it.

Our culture, however, has become so obsessed with sex and sexual expression that there is a tendency to sexualize all relationships; often leading to divorce, promiscuity, incest, child abuse, and homosexual behavior. We look for friendship in all the wrong places. If we do find a true friend, we destroy the relationship by sexualizing it, and end up losing our friend. It makes me wonder if the motivation behind the increase and spread of homosexual relationships might be the longing for a true friend.

I have heard from some experts that only a small number of people are born with homosexual tendencies. Most people identifying as homosexual, are made so by culture and society. And some people choose to be homosexual, driven by lust and the desire for pleasure. Some people are born to be celibate. Some people are made so by culture and society. Some people choose to be celibate for the sake of the kingdom of God. (Mt 19:12)

A true friend, be they male or female, brings out the best in us and challenges us to excel in everything. A true friendship is chaste and pure. It lifts us up to God. It is a consolation and encouragement in times of trouble and suffering. It enables us to grow in virtue and love. It leads us to truth and self-knowledge. It leads to enlightenment. A false friendship leads to jealousy, envy, suspicion, violence, and despair. It leads us away from God and all that is holy. It leads to deception and lies, and loss of our true self. It leads to spiritual blindness and amnesia. It diminishes our humanity. We become like those we embrace as our friends, whether they be true or false.

A kindly turn of speech multiplies a man’s friends,

and a courteous way of speaking invites many a friendly reply.

Let your acquaintances be many,

but your advisors one in a thousand.

If you want to make a friend, take him on trial,

and be in no hurry to trust him;

for one kind of friend is only so when it suits him

but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.

Another kind of friend will fall out with you

and to your dismay make your quarrel public,

and a third kind of friend will share your table,

but not stand by you in your day of trouble;

when you are doing well he will be your second self,

ordering your servants about;

but if ever you are brought low he will turn against you

and will hide himself from you.

Keep well clear of your enemies,

and be wary of your friends.

A faithful friend is a sure shelter,

whoever finds one has found a rare treasure.

A faithful friend is something beyond price,

there is no measuring his worth.

A faithful friend is the elixir of life,

and those who fear the Lord will find one.

Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends,

for as a man is, so is his friend.

(Sirach 6:5-17)

A kind mouth multiplies friends and appeases enemies, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings. Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant. When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him. For one sort is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress. Another is a friend who becomes an enemy and tells of the quarrel to your shame. Another is a friend, a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes. When things go well, he is your other self, and lords it over your servants; but if you are brought low, he turns against you and avoids meeting you. Keep away from your enemies; be on your guard with your friends. A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds. For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself. (Sirach 6:5-17)