To Tattle or Not to Tattle

As a mother, my primary goal was to teach my children to love God and to love each other. I tried to teach them that when they did something wrong, it was better to admit it right away and to accept the consequences, than to wait until they got caught by someone else; that the consequences would be far less. I taught them that they never really get away with doing anything wrong or harmful to others; eventually, it will come back to haunt them. I encouraged them to confess to me right away, and promised to be more lenient. In fact, many times the only punishment was a scolding and a teaching exhortation; as well as praise for their confession. I taught them the importance of being merciful and always ready to forgive their siblings.

I recall one time when my children were adolescents, and one of my daughters was about to be punished for something she did. My son intervened, and with tears, begged me not to punish her because she did not mean to do it. I was moved by his compassion and did not punish her. I also made it clear to my children that I did not approve of tattling on their siblings, especially when they wanted to get revenge or see their siblings get punished. I recall another mother that I knew who would enlist her children to spy on each other, and even reward them if they gave her information of wrongdoing. I found this to be very contrary to love, and repugnant.

I remember a story a friend shared with me about her brother and her when they were young teens. They were not poor and had all the basic necessities of life, but they did not have any luxuries like their peers did. They were ambitious to earn extra money for the things they wanted, and were always thinking of ways they could earn extra money; especially her brother. One day her brother came to her and flashed a fist full of money, and also gave her some money. She asked him where he got it. He beamed as he told her that he and his friend found the perfect way to make money. They went door to door, begging money for some charity. My friend became very concerned and told him how wrong this was; and begged him to stop. She did not know what to do to about it, and was afraid of the harm this would do to her brother. She was also reluctant to tell her father because she knew he would severely punish him, and she could not bear to see him suffer. She cried many tears over this problem. Shortly after, however, her father approached her and asked if she knew where her brother was getting all this money. She broke down in tears, unable to lie to her father, and told him the truth. She begged her father not to punish him. But, her father was very angry and severely punished him. That was the time when parents did not “spare the rod.” It took a long time, years, before her brother could forgive her for betraying him. But, her brother grew up to be the most honest and generous man she ever knew.

This is the mentality of the Gospel, and what Jesus taught his disciples. He wanted them to love each other as he loved them. It is evident that some of the disciples, at least John, knew that Judas was stealing money from the money box (Jn 12:6). Scripture does not really tell us what Jesus did about this, but we can assume that he did not look the other way. However, he also did not remove Judas from his family of Apostles, or from the mission he consecrated him for. He left that to divine providence.

It is impossible for a mother to abandon any of her children, if she loves them; no matter what they do. She never stops hoping and working for their good. She does not enable or encourage bad behavior, but does her best to correct it and to trust in the providence of God.